Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Voting of the Damned: Why I Like Gov. Rick Perry for President

Despite Herman Cain’s and Michelle Bachmann’s strong performances last night at the GOP Presidential Debates, if he runs for president, Texas Governor Rick Perry has my vote.

I voted for hope and change in the last presidential election, and, as Dr. Phil (the only doctor my insurance company will pay for) says, “How's that working for ya?”

I voted for peace, and we went from two wars to five (Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Libya, and Yemen). I voted to curb extremist capitalism, and we only fed it. I voted for a new approach to empire and the environment and got more of the same. I voted for FDR and a new WPA and, well, you get the idea.

So this time around I’m voting for a man who offers me no hope and no change. At least that way I won’t be disappointed. Here is the Governor’s main selling point for me at the moment:

Governor Perry has called all governors to join him on August 6 for a day of prayer and fasting. This will be, he assures us, an "apolitical Christian prayer service" sponsored by the American Family Association. Right there he’s got me. A Christian only prayer service. That’s honest: America is a Christian Nation with Christian leaders following the Christian god. Of course Catholics, Jews and Muslims and other nonChristians can live here, but let’s not let them run the place. It gets better.

Governor Perry’s event has adopted the AFA's platform that, among other things, affirms the infallibility of the Bible (Science? Please, what has science ever done for us?); the centrality of Jesus Christ (There is only one god and JC is It, so enough of this ecumenical nonsense); and the eternal damnation of all nonbelievers. This last is the part I love the most.

Here’s is Governor Perry’s motto: “No hope (for salvation) unless you change (to my religion).” I admire a politician who is upfront and honest, and what is more upfront and honest then telling me that he expects me and everyone I love to burn in Hell for all eternity unless I convert to his religion?

Of course aligning himself with a god that will torment me forever in the next world suggests that President Perry won't care much about me in this world. I can hear him now, "Healthcare for Jews? They're going to burn in Hell anyway. Let 'em die." Nothing confusing there. Simple. Honest. Straightforward. What's not to like?

So, Governor, assuming you run, and you aren't raptured before Election Day, and I’m not burning in Hell on Election Day, and the GOP hasn’t yet figured out a way to keep Jews, Blacks, the elderly, the young, and the poor from voting at all, you've got my vote.

3 comments:

Barry said...

You neglected to mention that the American Family Association has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center for their anti-gay propaganda. As a Jew and a top performer for The Homosexual Agenda (having won a toaster oven and an outdoor barbecue for my recruitment efforts, I'm up for a pink Subaru if I recruit three more teens!) I'm sure President Perry will have his way with me.

The Lady Philosopher said...

Nothing like goood old irony to speak for me like this post.
I too voted for change.
We were all disappointed.
WHERE are all the real leaders in America hiding? WHAT will make them come out from under their rocks, out of their holes, into the light?
http://theskyofstars.blogspot.com/

LynLass said...

I just found your blog...and the comments about Rick Perry got me. I live in Texas, we (like other states) have been taking severe reductions in services, including education. I think his opposition to using the rainy day fund for education is to assure that we don't have an electorate capable of making intelligent decisions. They'll listen to Rick and believe him!