I saw him from a distance, and should have walked the other way. I had spoken with him before, and should have kept my mouth shut. I knew better, but I couldn’t help myself. It is the curse of the Yankee in the Confederate Gentleman’s Court. Our eyes met. We nodded. And then it happened—he spoke: “So Sarah Palin, the first female Vice President of these United States. Gotta hand it ta McCain.”
“You do,” I said, hoping to get away with a mere two syllables.
“Saves the country from being taken over by Mooslems.”
“Obama’s not a Muslim, and even if he were what is wrong with that? There is no religious test for public office in this country.”
“Didn’t you watch Oh-bama and McCain at Rick Warren’s church? That Mooslem didn’t have a chance. Christian country, Christian people, Christian leaders. No others need apply. Did you know he won’t show his birth certificate? You know why? Because it shows he’s a Mooslem born in Mooslem Africa. Went to Muslim schools. Trained to take over this country, and almost got away with it, ‘cept for Sarah Palin.”
“What are you talking about? Obama’s birth certificate is a matter of public record. It shows he was born in Hawaii.”
“And since when is Hawaii part of the United States? Hurts to be caught don’t it? Barach Hooosayn Oh-bama is a Muslim trained to take down this country. You think the terrorists think they can knock down all our buildings? You think that is how they is going to take over America?”
“Hawaii and Alaska both became states in 1959. And terrorists aren’t trying to take over America, they are trying to…”
“Alaska—now that’s American. They got oil, You know what Hawaii’s got? Mooslems! There ain’t no Mooslems in Alaska. You know why? Sarah Palin, that’s why. That’s why Oh-bama’s a Mooslem and Sarah Palin is a God-fearin’ Christian. But you’re right that Mooslems can’t take over America by knockin’ down buildings. That’s why they planted one of their own and helped him become a senator so he could become president. Oh-bama is a Moolem sleeper cell. You know what he’ll do as soon as he’s elected? He’ll stop all aid to Israhl, arm the Ayrabs, make an amenment to the Constitution outlawn Christianity as the oh-fficial American religion and English as the oh-fficial American language and…”
“But Christianity isn’t the official religion of America, nor is English the official language, we are a secular…”
“You awready in his pocket, ain’t cha, boy? Awready in his pocket. Well, vote fer a Mooslim is you want. It’s a free country, but we have computer recerds of yer vote and we’ll have to hold ya to it. You have a good day now, y’hear?”
I might have, but not now.
PS: I am not trying to make fun of the Tennessee accent, only trying to give you a flavor of what this fellow sounded like.